afterthoughts.
i recently watched the film Lost and Delirious (2001) in my film class at Willamette, and in
all honesty, it was one of the most beautiful, moving films i’ve seen for ages.
the post-viewing discussion we had in class was very electric, very engaging. it
made me consider things in a completely different way.
here is a short synopsis of the film for those of you
who haven’t seen it:
Lost and Delirious, directed by Léa Pool, stars Mischa Barton as Mary, a new
student in a girls' boarding school who discovers her two roommates Paulie
(Piper Perabo) and Tori (Jessica Pare) are lovers, only to watch them go
through a horrific break-up when Tori can't stand the peer pressure of being “gay”
any longer.
we watch Paulie begin to
self-destruct as the one person who loves her rejects her. the lengths to which
she goes to try and win Tori back become increasingly hazardous, to herself and
others, until they ultimately end in tragedy.
**
before watching this film, i had always thought of
myself as a heterosexual, but now, i’m not sure that term holds any meaning. this
term with which i have labeled myself, does it even exist?
i don’t think anyone is entirely heterosexual or homosexual,
i think there is no barrier that exists between these two ideas that our
society has created purely out of homophobia, pride issues, and fear. yes, we
all have our preference, but nothing is as well-defined as we would like to
believe. nothing is as tangible as we think, nothing is honestly black and
white.
is love any different when a woman loves another woman
instead of a man? or when a man loves another man? no, really there’s not, so
why do we have separate terms to “distinguish” the difference between the love
a homosexual couple has and that which a heterosexual couple shares?
nobody is one the sidewalk so to speak, as we are
constantly moving and trying to attain a fluidity in navigating through life. there
is rarely a minute in which we are able to stand completely still. we are
always driving along the freeway or highway or Autobahn, whatever. the point
is, we are always on the move and we will be until the day we die. we can never
parallel park or pull over to take a break. so then think about it like this,
and we’ll pretend we’re driving on the Autobahn: there are three lanes. which one
do we pick? the left lane, we’ll say that is being almost entirely
heterosexual. the middle lane, bisexual. the right lane, almost completely homosexual.
we all have to pick which lane we are driving in. since homosexuality and heterosexuality
are make-believe words, we will rename them and say: “prefers opposite sex”, “prefers
both”, and “prefers same sex”. people that find themselves driving in the left
lane would be, for example, just a normal woman who thinks, on occasion, “oh,
those jeans look cute on her.” there, she’s being nearly entirely heterosexual,
but not entirely. and then you can
imagine how the middle lane and right lane would be.
homosexuality and heterosexuality are completely
worthless terms, words which are in existence without purpose. just like our
appendixes; they are leftover internal organs from an ancient time, but now,
they have outlived their purpose. they’re useless. we must ask ourselves what
we believe. where is the line with you? all of these cultural boundaries (such
as the existence of these terms, especially in american culture) that limit
love and potential happiness are figments of our imagination that have been
implanted into our minds by shallow, close-minded individuals, which
unfortunately, makes up the majority population. if you are happy and
completely in love with someone, is gender really an issue?
love is love is love. it’s just like what they teach
you at alcoholics anonymous and at an alcohol server’s class: a drink is a
drink is a drink. a shot of tequila is a glass of red wine is a Heineken. although
their appearances are different, they hold the same power and therefore all
have equal status amongst each other.
one of my best friends just told me a few days ago
that she’s sick of fuckwit men and has been in a long-term relationship with
another woman, and i’m just like “rad!!!!” i’ve been trying to avoid thinking
of her as a lesbian. she is not homosexual and she is not a lesbian. she is a
woman that loves another woman. it’s normal and it’s beautiful; all love is
beautiful, there is no class system.
excerpt from screenplay of Lost and Delirious:
Paulie: You think I'm a lesbian?
Mary: You're a girl in love with a girl, aren't you?
Paulie: No, I'm Paulie in love with Tori. And Tori is - she is in love with me,
because she is mine and I am hers. And neither of us are lesbians.
after
some thought and after our amazing class discussion, i now think this makes
total sense.
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